Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve seen two people from my inner support circle leave that circle. The choice was theirs to make. And while I attempted to repair those broken bonds, no healing was possible. In both cases I don’t believe there was anything I did that was wrong or any action I took that was incorrect — and believe me, I looked. I take personal responsibility very seriously, and when I screw up, I do my level best to make amends. But in both cases I could find nothing on my end to cause the break. So, I have to assume that someone on the other end of the relationship broke, something beyond my control. This is life. Sometimes a thing that’s broken can’t be fixed.
And that’s something you need to know, both when traveling through life with a mental illness and just in journeying through life in general. You’re going to have an inner circle of friends, and that inner circle is going to change and reshape itself from time to time.
Know this: people are going to let you down. And you are going to let other people down, whether you intend to or not. Accept this as fact, know that it will happen, and even embrace it. Make peace with it. Because it will happen.
It will happen with people you thought you could entrust your life to. This happens because people are flawed at their core. They hurt and suffer just like you do. They have their own issues to deal with, and while they will frequently step out, even in their pain to help you, just as you do for them, the fact of the matter is that sometimes that effort breaks people. And as a result, friendships fracture as a result. Sometimes you can win those friendships back. Sometimes they get lost forever. But the end result is the same — friendships break and hearts ache.
I don’t say this to be a downer but to prepare you for the inevitable. I don’t want you to be blindsided when a trusted friend suddenly turns on you. Just know that a friend you have given your heart, mind, and energy to will at some point turn away from you. And this is okay. It’s a part of life. Yes, it hurts and is often confusing, but it’s also an opportunity for learning and personal growth. If you wronged that friend, do your best to make things right. If they wronged you, forgive and move on. But in either case, don’t allow the situation to bring you down or crush you, no matter how much it hurts.
When holes open up in your inner circle, it’s a sign that it’s time to fill those holes. Yes, people are fickle. Friendships come and go. But that doesn’t mean it’s ever a bad idea to have close friendships. Opening yourself up to someone is always a risk. But no reward was ever obtained without risk, without the potential for pain. Let the pain of a broken friendship hone you into a sharper tool and keep moving forward. I guarantee you’ll find better friends — or at least better friends for your current season of life.
Keep the faith, and keep moving forward.
