My toilet bowl is a portal to another dimension. Ask me how I know this.
Great! I’m glad you asked.
You know how I know it’s a portal? It swirls when I flush it, and I’m not just talking about the water. That swirls, too. No, when I flush, there is purple and lavender light mixed in with the water. I would say, too, that things disappear when I drop them into the portal, but you’d just say that’s the objects going down the drain and into the sewers. That’s not what happens. You know how I know this? Because those objects sometimes get returned to me.
Through the portal, yes.
I’ll just be sitting there, doing my business, and occasionally something will hop up and bump me right in the bum before splashing back down into the water. I don’t want to retrieve those objects after, because ewww, but I have to. Once an object has been returned to me, I can’t send it back. Ever. I know. I’ve tried.
And sometimes, strange items that I didn’t send through the portal will come through to me. I’ll flush, the portal opens, and something strange and foreign will arrive. I have a handful of such objects now, and I can’t tell you what any of them are. I’ve never seen their like. And neither has anyone else who I’ve shown the objects to (which isn’t many people, I’ll admit, but still).
I don’t know what to do about this portal. I don’t know if I should report it to someone or bring in a scientist or two to study it or find a way to destroy it. Would it exist if I blew up the toilet bowl? Is it the toilet that makes it work, since I have to flush to open the portal? If so, where did this toilet come from, and why does it work the way it does?
There are no answers forthcoming. Maybe someone on the other side is throwing all their trash away through the portal. Or maybe someone is trying to send me, or someone, a message. I don’t know. I just know that I have a portal in my bathroom, and the thing still spooks me half to death.
If anyone has any answers, please let me know. I’m dying to know what this thing is.
