I’ve had a lot of different imagery floating through my mind over the last year as I’ve progressively taken more control and responsibility for my personal growth and development, both as an individual and as someone living a chronic mental illness. Fire is a common theme in all things to do with struggle. We speak often as fire being cleansing or the test that we much overcome to seize the prize. The fiery crucible is often spoken of as the gauntlet by which one is tested and found either wanting or satisfactory.
For me, there are two images in particular that have held significant meaning for me. The first is that of the phoenix and has become, in its way, my spirit creature — symbolic of rebirth and new beginnings. It’s something I’ll likely write about further at a later point, but there’s another image I want to focus on that’s become the new logo for my site.
One of the things I’ve always known about myself is that I am, by nature, a healer. Having the ability to empathize with others, to absorb their feelings like a sponge, and to experience them like my own has always been a challenge for me. I always say that being an empath is both a blessing and a curse. It provides insights into people that are almost supernatural, but those same insights draw from and quickly drain your own energy. It’s taxing to feel what other people feel all the time, and it’s why most — if not all — empaths are introverts by nature and need regular alone time to recharge.
But it’s also true that, because we feel and experience emotion so deeply, we typically have a deep-seated, natural desire to want to reach into the lives of the people we meet, to touch their needs, their pain, and to alleviate them of it. We become healers — spiritual, emotional, mental healers, even if it adds strain and sacrifice to our own well-being.
For a long time, I lost my desire and ability to heal. I was lost in my own darkness of depression, anxiety, and despair. And for the longest time, I was convinced I would never find my way out. It took another friend to reach into my life and offer me a chance at healing to bring me back into the light and onto a path toward finding myself again.
The last year has been particularly fruitful in my personal growth and development, but I have seen and walked through much fire over that time. But even then, I have been able to see others traversing their own fires and had opportunities to reach into those flames and help them through. The healer in me has resurfaced, and for that I am grateful and blessed. It’s not easy to help others through their pain, especially when you’re going through your own. Most people don’t. They become so lost in their own lives, their own pain, they can’t see past it. Many simply don’t care to. But we need more healers in the world, more caretakers who can see past their own trials to help others in theirs. We traverse the fire in order to grow, to become something more because it is only in fire that we learn how to live.
And so the image in my mind comes to bear — a flame, from which a spark of greenery springs. New life born directly from the burning heat of destruction. This has become a new symbol for me for my journey moving forward.
From fire, life.
