This morning I had a two-hour intake assessment with Wabash Valley Alliance here in Frankfort. I’m in the middle of transitioning my mental healthcare away from Alpine Clinic in Lafayette to Wabash Valley for insurance reasons (thanks ever so much, Trump), so this was the first step of that transition. Interestingly, I never did any sort of intake assessment like with Alpine, so it was an oddly illuminating experience to just talk about my background, going all the way back to childhood, and putting the pieces all together here. Now, mind you, two hours doesn’t even begin to cover the entire breadth and scope of my life experiences, but it provided enough of a snapshot for the clinical social worker to get an idea of who I am, what I’ve been through, what some of the major events have been that have shaped my life, and to begin to put together a treatment plan for me.

One of the most notable things to come out of the assessment is a slight change of diagnosis. And by ‘slight,’ I mean potentially significant. Where before my psychiatrist at Alpine had diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, the social worker updated my diagnosis to drop Generalized Anxiety completely and replace it with a diagnosis of Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia. This is actually a gratifying change for me because I’ve believed for quite some time now that Generalized Anxiety was the wrong diagnosis for me and that Panic Disorder was a much better fit for what I deal with on a regular basis. The symptoms of Panic Disorder are things I experience frequently, and I definitely harbor a certain amount of reticence to go out in public and be in group situations as a result. So, to have the outcome of this assessment align with my own thinking, well, let’s just say I feel validated that someone else finally shares my opinion.

I don’t know what this will mean in terms of treatment. The social worker did say that, just from a theoretical perspective, it would be interesting for me to go off my anxiety meds just to see what my baseline is and how I cope with that. He wasn’t actually advocating for that, mind you, but I do have to admit that a part of me agrees that I’d be curious to see what my baseline looks like now. I know what it looked like two years ago, but that was right after my hospitalization, right after my whole life fell apart, and there were certain additional stressors and triggers present that I don’t have now. I hope to meet with a new psychiatrist in about three weeks, provided my insurance goes through to cover it (again, thank you very much Trump and company for systematically dismantling our healthcare system to make this process a thousand and one times harder) to determine if the cocktail of medications I’m on is the right one or if changes need to be made. I’m of the opinion that some changes will be required, especially given this new diagnosis, and changes to the approach to my cognitive-behavioral therapy will also likely be at hand.

I realize nothing substantial has happened after today, but it does feel good to have at least taken the first step toward changing my care and toward taking more control for advocating for my own mental wellness. It’s a difficult process, riddled with paperwork and red tape galore, and it’s far more difficult to get the kind of quality treatment for your mind than it is for the rest of your body. That’s not something that should be — but that’s also a topic for another day. For now it’s enough to know that I meet with a new therapist next week who’s actually covered by my insurance. I’m hoping this is the beginning of new and even more positive changes in my life. I’ve been chasing my own tail with regard to anxiety for far, far too long now. I want that chase to end so I can stop feeling crippled and limited by my own mind. Here’s to hoping that chase ends soon.