The battle lines are clearly drawn — two sides, two agendas, one aching pain. On the one side, the old man. On the other, the new man. Some days it is merely a squabble, on others World War III. On the one hand, fierce, intense depression of the black hole variety, threatening to suck my soul from my body, to drain all the color from the world. On the other hand, a gentle, nagging hope, so soft and quiet that I hardly realize that it is there sometimes. Here, a desire to indulge in fleshly pleasures, to feed those pet carnal appetites. But then here, a craving for godliness, righteousness, a relationship with my Lord that actually means something and pours out onto others. This, laziness. That, a desire to work for what is good, knowing that it will involve the deepest pain I have perhaps ever experienced.

The battle lines are drawn. And I am at an impasse.