It’s been about six weeks now since my latest adjustment in the treatment of my mental health. I started seeing a new psychiatrist, who actually took the time to spent just over an hour with me at our first appointment. That’s already a significant improvement over my previous doctor, who barely spent 20 minutes with at our first appointment.
My new doctor listened intently as I talked for an hour, attempting to summarize the last couple of years, interrupting only occasionally to ask clarifying questions and get a better handle on my anxiety and the causes of it. She, like the intake therapist I’d spoken to a couple of months prior, agreed that I’ve probably suffered from an anxiety disorder most of my life but just didn’t realize it until it became severe a few years ago.
We discussed all the medications and dosages I’ve been on the last couple of years, my struggles to be functional in spite of my anxiety, and my fears that I’ll never fully have control over the anxiety. I told her of the concerns expressed by my previous therapist about the number and dosages of anxiety meds I was already on and my own desire to find a way to back those off, if there was any way possible to do so.
To my surprise, her recommendation was to put me on a mood stabilizer — Lamictal. She said that, based on what I’d told her, on a scale of 1-10, it seemed like my anxiety was generally at a 9-10 most days. I admitted that sounded about right. She felt like a mood stabilizer would help even out my anxiety and bring it down to a level where it would stop kicking in so frequently or severely.
So for the last few weeks, we’ve been making adjustments to my meds. We started with 25mg of Lamcital for two weeks, then bumped it up to 50mg for two weeks. From there we backed my klonopin off from 2mg three times a day to 1mg twice a day. I think the next stage of adjustment is going to be bump the Lamictal up to 100mg to compensate for lowering the dosage of klonopin.
While I don’t enjoy the process of changing medications — adjusting my brain chemistry always requires a few days of feeling odd or ill (or both) — I do have to admit that over the last few weeks I’ve felt better and more stable. I’ve had less anxiety and no panic attacks whatsoever, which is a huge
On another note, I’ve also been so well this summer that my new therapist, who I’ve been meeting with every two weeks, suggested that we could move to monthly sessions. I’ve been coping with life and stress better, using healthy coping mechanisms and making good choices. At our last session, we actually had trouble finding enough things to talk about for an hour. And I’m pleased that’s not the kind of therapist that will continue to schedule frequent sessions just to be able to bill my insurance for a paycheck (not that my previous therapist was like that).
There have been challenges aplenty this summer, no doubt. But despite those — and maybe even because of them — I’m happy to say this has been one of the best years I can remember in a very long time. I’m content and excited about the future, I have a company to run doing exactly the kind of work I love to do, and I’m more healthy and independent than I think maybe I’ve ever been. It’s an amazing change, and for the first time ever I actually like who I am and who I’m becoming.
