Open Letter To a Chess Player

Dear Random Chess Player Who Just Offered Me A Draw,

I always find it amusing and a little annoying when players like you offer me a draw right after making an obviously blundering move — y’know, that one where you accidentally gave away your Queen? Or the one where you traded a couple of power pieces for trivial ones? I’m talking about that move where you basically gave away the game, just handed it over to me on a silver platter.

Seriously? Do you really think that I’m that kind of stupid to just accept a draw, right after you handed me that kind of advantage?

Uh-uh, buddy. No, I’m going to capitalize on that advantage, use it to my favor, sweep into that opening and use the opportunity to crush your defense and win the game — exactly the same way I would expect you to play were the situation reversed. I wouldn’t expect you to accept a draw offer in that situation, so it’s actually a little insulting that you think I’d be dumb enough to do the same. I know, your philosophy is that it couldn’t hurt to ask, right? Because I might be that brand of stupid. But dude. Seriously. Have you even looked at my rating? I’m not exactly a beginner here. I know when I have the advantage. I know better than to accept a draw in those situations.

No, the only time a draw offer is reasonable, in my opinion, is when it is clear — to both players — that the game is already going to result in a draw. In that case, there’s really no point in the players going through the motions just to complete the game. Offering, and accepting, a draw in that case just shortcuts the process so that the players don’t have to belabor a pointless endgame that could potentially go on for several moves. Granted, I’ve only ever seen a handful of games where it comes down to this — and most players will usually still run them all the way out, just in case the other guy makes a mistake.

So, really, it’s kind of stupid to offer me a draw right after making a stupid mistake in the game. Just man up and own your mistake. You might even be able to turn it around again. That’s all I’m sayin’.

Have anything to add to the conversation?