Monthly Archives: July 2005

When a Joke Is Not a Joke

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In addition to running Open Dialogue, I’m also a moderator on another forum. Occasionally, my duties involve resolving various bits of unpleasantness, and today was just such a day. Ultimately, I ended up locking a thread due to some nasty flaming between a handful of members and sending private messages (PMs) to said individuals cautioning against further behavior of the kind they displayed today. The fellow who instigated the whole fiasco responded saying that people just “don’t know when it is a joke.”

This incident got me thinking anew about the nature of joking and when joking might be pushing things too far. I realized that I had essentially already written
about this last night, voicing the general principle that should probably apply here, as well. In my opinion, a joke is only a joke when all parties involved can enjoy it and have fun with it. When even one individual finds the joke offensive or is uncomfortable as a result of the joke, then joke ceases to be a joke because it ceases to be completely funny. If everyone involved cannot enjoy the joke, then it probably should not be told or enacted. It seems unfair to force someone to endure something that they do not find funny or humorous.

Some guidelines that I myself use (or at least try to) when determining whether or not to follow through with a joke:

  • If there is even a question as to whether or not someone will enjoy the joke, I do not even begin it.
  • If it is obvious that my joke is making someone uncomfortable, I quit immediately and apologize to the offended party.
  • If I find out afterward that my joke offended someone, I seek out that person to apologize and make restitution.
  • In the rare instance that I am unsure exactly what was offensive,
    I seek to find out what that was and make the effort to repair or avoid
    that element or joke in the future.

There are biblical principles for this, foremost seeking to avoid causing others to stumble:

Romans 14:19-21
19Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall.

1 Corinthians 10:31-33
31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— 33even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own
good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

Sometimes I wish everyone would look out for the best interests of everyone else. It sure would make the world a better place.

Talking Smack

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I’m a big fan of playing Halo 2 on Xbox Live. What I’m not so fond of, though, is other players talking trash, a.k.a. talking smack. When I was younger, I could talk trash with the best of them. My buddies and I would harass each other mercilessly, on the basketball courts, in school, during meals, on camping trips, just about everywhere. Looking back on it now, I realize that we were probably just really insecure with ourselves, as teenagers generally are. We were trying to be cool and fit in with our peers. We were trying to gain acceptance — with our families, with our friends, with each other — by proving that we were better than everyone else, even better than each other, at whatever it
was we did.

I don’t think we knew these were some of our motivations at the time.

Over the years I’ve stopped talking trash for the most part. A little light-hearted banter here, some good-natured ribbing there. Always, though, there is a laugh attached, and if ever it
becomes not funny to someone, it stops. Immediately.

Playing Halo 2 on XBL is a great experience, but I find that I enjoy the matchmaking lists, which match you up with groups of strangers for multiplayer gameplay, a lot less than when I first got connected. More and more I find that I enjoy the custom games, where it is just me with my friends, where there is no pressure to perform well (except from myself), and where the atmosphere is light and laughter is abundant. It gets me away from the goons in the matchmaking lists who talk trash, whether they have any right to or not.

My philosophy on talking trash is this: there’s no good reason to do it, at least not all the time. If you’re a good player, you certainly don’t need to talk trash. Everyone already knows that
you can back up your words because they’ve experienced it firsthand. And if you’re a mediocre or a horrible player, you still don’t need to talk trash. Everyone already knows that you can’t back up your words, often because they’ve experienced that firsthand, too.

A little bit of trash talk can be fun, which is why I specified above with ‘not all the time.’ I
know that when I’m excited because I just pulled off a difficult maneuver for the first time or cleaned up a tough kill, I’ll sometimes buzz the comm and rub it in a little, knowing full well that I’ll probably have to eat my own words in a few seconds (and I usually do). Fortunately, I play with a good group of guys who understand and who can dish out the trash talk just as quickly if I’m getting too cocky. Mostly, though, we just laugh and cheer, even if we were the victim of the kill at that moment — because we are just having a darn good time.

And that’s the way it should be.

Dance As Unto the Lord

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Something I love about our church is that they periodically incorporate dance into the worship services. Sometimes it is just one person on stage, sometimes a group, sometimes just an adult, sometimes children. I love seeing it because it shows that, in all things, we can bring glory to God. It is especially refreshing because Christians and churches tend to get so reactionary to the very mention of dance that they miss out on another tool, another resource that can actually add to the worship atmosphere. I admit, I was little taken aback and surprised when I first saw it, but I enjoyed it greatly and still enjoy it when it is added. I do not think that there will be no dancing in heaven. The Psalmist even makes mention of dancing to the Lord. So, it is so lovely to see dancing incorporated into the worship service.

Just Like Family

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The place where I’m currently working is in the midst of some major transitions. The guy they’ve hired to effect the changes has placed a huge emphasis on improving the quality and quantity of communication within the organization. Since I’m a temporary contractor and since my work consists of doing nothing but data entry and since the terminal at which I sit is right in the middle of the workplace, I have the opportunity to witness more than most individuals might. What I’ve noticed is that this guy is striving to build the employees of this company into a family, in part by improving their overall communication. It has been a fascinating process to
watch, and I have found myself laughing a number of times while I work. (One of the managers has repeatedly been brought out to the floor, bringing all work in the place to a screeching halt, so he can practice his communication skills while his boss, the fellow effecting all these changes, watches and ‘grades’ him. The results have been often amusing.) In effect, the ultimate goal is that, by improving the level of communication in the company, costs will go down and the business will grow.

The application of this readily transfers to the church and the Body of Christ. How often do churches break and split because communication breaks down? How often do Christians hurt one another, not to mention unbelievers, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically because clear communication could not be accomplished? To some extent, I think we can take some lessons from this guy — good communication is absolutely essential in order for any organization to grow and thrive. This is no less true within the Body. They call it good business sense. We call it fellowship. Either way, the end product is the same — efficiency increases, individuals function as a single unit, and growth and prosperity are nearly guaranteed. In order for this work, though, everyone has to
participate, which means everyone has to have a good attitude and a spirit of mutual cooperation. Honesty really is the best policy. Temper it with openness, understanding, grace, and humility, and positive results are nearly inevitable. So, practice your communication skills, and don’t be surprised when others response positively toward you.

My Way of Thinking Does Not Make a Very Good Prediction Tool

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The older I get and the more experience I receive in this world, the more I find that I cannot adequately or consistently predict the behavior of other people. My own viewpoint, my own knowledge, and my own experience that I have gleaned over the years are far too limited and far too narrow in scope to provide an adequate estimation of human behavior overall. I assume that the way I think, that the way I view the world is the only way to do so and that everyone
simply must view and think the exact same way. So I make predictions and judgments based on this assumption and am annoyed when the predicted behavior does not occur because it means that I was obviously in error. I forget that the knowledge and experiences that shape my predictions and judgments are unique to myself. No one else in the world has experienced the world in quite the same way as I, and no one else has had the same interests or learned the
same things or seen quite the same things as I. So my way of seeing the world is unique, and I cannot expect anyone else to behave or think the same way I do. Additionally, I make the common mistake of relying on anecdotal evidence to support my predictions and judgments. The trouble with doing this is that anecdotal evidence is typically not representative of the general population. It is merely one example of human behavior that may support a given idea or assumption. It is very problematic when people rely too heavily on anecdotal evidence to support decisions or judgments. Making snap judgments is also dangerous for another reason — psychological studies have shown that human memory both decays rapidly and is frequently rewritten unconsciously over time, effectively altering or even corrupting the very information upon which we rely so heavily.

The beautiful thing about statistics is that it often corrects for the shortcomings in human judgment by aggregating a large pool of information into relatively simple descriptive numbers. A good predictive statistic will have a good sample of data that is representative of the population at large. If the sample is representative enough, the results of the analysis will generalize well to everybody, meaning that it has a much better chance of accurately predicting behavior by providing a probability value for the occurrence of a particular behavior. Naturally, there will always be those individuals who are so far different from the general populace as to be outliers, and no statistic will completely describe any single individual. However, statistics are meant to be descriptive of large populations and give the inquisitive mind a better chance at accurately predicting how people will behave. There will also be
those unscrupulous individuals who will bias the data in such a way as to serve their own purposes. But for the wise and those genuinely seeking to learn, the use of statistical sampling can counteract the shortcomings of the human condition. It has been proven time and again that statistics can predict human behavior much more accurately, effectively, and consistently than can human predictions based solely on head knowledge.

All this is to caution you against relying too heavily on your own snap judgments (and even against well-thought-out, yet unsubstantiated judgments) because chances are good that your judgments and predictions will be erroneous. The numbers are useful tools to have in one’s
‘toolkit’ and should be used frequently to avoid making crucial, critical mistakes. Nothing replaces good, sound research in the endeavor to make good decisions.

Should Christians Take Legal Action Against Homosexuality and Gay Marriage?

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I’ve had quite a bit of discussion with a number of individuals over this issue in recent months, and as a result I’ve had to think quite bit about the Christian stance on the legalization of gay
marriage. I’ve heard it said that the government has the right and the duty to make homosexuality illegal, which would also effectively take care of the issue of gay marriage. But as I’ve come to think about it more and more, I have to disagree.

The United States represents freedom. It was founded with the basis of providing a land where its citizens could practice their own beliefs without fear of persecution. To that end, I believe that homosexuals have the right to practice their lifestyle, even though such a lifestyle is clearly defined as sin in the Bible. Furthermore, the principles of the Bible only apply to those who are followers of Jehovah God; they have absolutely no bearing on unbelievers, and we cannot expect unbelievers to behave like believers. Therefore, we as Christians have no right to force our beliefs on others through legal means.

I’ve heard it said by many, “Your rights end where mine begin.” I’ve come to see this statement as being very reasonable. Ultimately, homosexuality affects only the people involved in the
lifestyle (though this is not, of course, strictly true, considering the emotional and psychological effects this can have on close friends and family). Whether Joe and Jake are in a relationship does not affect me, nor does their decision to get married. It doesn’t affect my ability to have a heterosexual relationship or my ability to get married, start a family, have a job, get medical benefits, etc. I may disagree with their choice of lifestyle, but given that they are not Christians, I cannot expect them to live like Christians.

Tim Wilkins states that the opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality — it is righteousness. Ergo, the way to change homosexuals is not to force heterosexuality on them via legal means but to win them to Christ, Who then has the power to show them their sin and to change their lives. I, for one, agree and see this idea as further support for the notion that we as Christians have no business making
homosexuality or gay marriage illegal. The logical end of this is that, if we are going to make homosexuality and gay marriage illegal in this country, then we also need to outlaw every other sin (thereby destroying the very freedoms this nation represents). The problem with this notion should be obvious — it would be taking us back to the days of the Old Testament and the Law, forcing Pharisaical lifestyles, and effectively negating the work of Christ.

I do think that there are ways for Christians to be involved and effective in politics, but I think we need to choose our legal battles a little more wisely. Certain issues should be overlooked,
whereas others should have more attention paid to them.

I’ve also posted this on my forum, which is actually where the topic originated. I would much prefer you to leave your thoughts on my forum (though I’ve re-enabled comments here) in order to keep the thread of discussion together. I definitely hope to hear from some you on this topic, as I know it is currently a very touchy one in our culture right now.